Judging others

"May the Lord be in our minds, on our lips and in our hearts." This simple prayer, accompanied by making the Sign of the Cross on the forehead, mouth and chest, is a traditional Catholic expression of our awareness of Jesus in our lives. We recite those words during Mass but we should also say them at other times during the day as a reminder that Jesus always with us.

It is such a temptation to judge others for their behaviors if they don't live up to our expectations. We think and say unkind things without stopping to remember that whoever we are speaking of is a mere mortal and a child of God, just as we are.

I am often reminded of how brutal people can be when they say hurtful things about those who are alcoholic or drug dependent. Chemical dependency often expresses itself in behaviors that are unacceptable, difficult and yes, even outrageous. We may respond to our feelings of anger with verbal attacks or rejection, neither of which will bring about a change in the alcoholic/addict.

Words can wound someone more severely than physical assault. They are as painful as any beating and they take much longer to heal. Indeed the cruelty of words may inflict more lasting harm than any other form of punishment.

I have a friend who says, "She has a tongue like a buggy whip." It is a reminder that when we gossip or spread rumors about another person, we are inflicting the worst kind of pain there is. It is scandalous and malicious to speak unkindly of others for we are far from perfect ourselves. But we tend to forget that.

Those who are alcoholic receive much criticism for their so-called weakness. In fact, they are not weak at all. They are sick. Alcoholism is not about weakness of spine or lack of moral fortitude. It is about having a disease that is primary, progressive and fatal. It is primary because it is not caused by another illness. It is progressive because it never stays at the same level. It always moves relentlessly on. And it is fatal because it can and does cause death if left untreated. We rarely hear criticism about people who have cancer or heart disease, yet alcoholism is as much a disease as either of those medical conditions.

Drug addiction elicits all kinds of scorn from those who do not understand its basis. Doper, pothead, needle-freak are but a few of the labels applied to someone who is dependent on drugs. We also assign blame to the parents and spouses of addicts, although nothing could be farther from the truth. Others do not cause a person to become chemically dependent.

Remember, drug addiction is a disease much like alcoholism. It is just a matter of choosing the poison.

"If you want to avoid judgment, stop passing judgment. Your verdict on others will be the verdict passed on you. The measure with which you measure will be used to measure you. Why look at the speck in your brother's eye when you miss the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take that speck out of your eye while all the time the plank remains in your own? You hypocrite! Remove the plank from your own eye first, then you will see clearly to take the speck from your brother's eye". Matthew 7.1-5

Even in Biblical times people were overlooking their own faults in favor of criticizing others. Matthew's words put us solidly in our place when it comes to taking responsibility for our own behaviors.

Jesus was always charitable and forgiving. He did not gossip or spread malicious stories. If we keep Him in our minds, on our lips and in our hearts, the virtue of charity will be ours.

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